“Thank you for your interest in renewing your contract. Let me see what high-speed internet offers are available for you,” the AT&T customer service rep says. I can hear the keyboard on the other end of the line go clackety-clack. “Okay,” she says pleasantly, “there is an offer for $26.99 per month with a one-year contract.”
“Uh, I’ve been paying $19.99 up until now,” I say, “so there’s no reason for me to sign a one-year contract if my rate will go UP. Besides, I know that you’re running a promotion for $12.99 per month, so that’s the rate I’d like.”
“Unfortunately, that rate is only for new customers,” the rep says. “But, since you insist, I can give you $19.99 for one year.”
“I’m not under contract anymore, so I’m PRACTICALLY a new customer,” I reason with her.
“Sir,” she says, her voice becoming more tense, “that rate is only for new customers who currently do not have DSL.”
“Fine,” I say, “cancel my DSL and sign me up again right away, so I can qualify for the new customer rate.”
“Sure, I can cancel your service for you,” she says, pleasant once again. “Then you’ll have to wait until your service is disconnected, and then you’ll have to go online and sign up for DSL there. It will take about 7 to 10 business days for DSL to become activated.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Since you already know that I’m going to renew, you don’t really have to disconnect me. There’s no reason for me to lose my Internet connection for 10 business days just to get the lower rate. It’s just more work for you guys to have to disconnect and then reconnect me, and it’s less pleasant for me. I’d like to just get the new rate.”
“Sir,” she says, cold and distant again, “I can’t do that. The only way you can get the new rate is by cancelling the service.”
I sigh. “Listen,” I reason with her, “think about it. I can get what I want by jumping through a bunch of hoops and having your technicians do a bunch of unnecessary work. It’ll cost both me and your company time and money. Or, you can help me out by cutting out all the intermediate steps and just changing me to the new rate.”
There is a pause on the other end of the line. Perhaps she is being swayed by my unassailable logic? “Sir,” she says, “I will transfer you to my supervisor.”
I explain my ironclad reasoning to the supervisor.
“Sir,” he says. By now I know that “sir” can only mean bad news. “We cannot do that.”
“Look,” I say. “if you make me cancel my service with you, I will go and find another company to get DSL from. You don’t want to lose a customer. I don’t want to have to spend my time setting up DSL with someone else. Let’s work together on this.”
“Sir,” he starts, and I sigh. I already know what’s coming.
Signifying Nothing 