You give us 3 minutes — we’ll give you the world

I like to think of myself as a sophisticated, modern man who keeps up-to-date on all the major world events. I also like to think of myself as Batman. Neither one of those is true, unfortunately. It’s not that I’m not interested in world events; it’s more that I generally rely on my friends to keep me informed of newsworthy happenings. That would be sufficient if my friends were excited about the intricacies of foreign relations and appreciated discussions of the subtle nuances of political maneuvering. Most of my friends, however, are not such people.

Things that my friends do not discuss:

  • The sub-prime mortgage crisis.
  • The social unrest in Pakistan which involved a military dictator jailing a bunch of lawyers, leaving people with no clue whom to root for.
  • Some scandal revolving around waterboarding, which, it took me a while to realize, has nothing to do with speedboats or surfing.
  • Somebody gaining in the polls against somebody else in Iowa.
  • Blah blah blah Africa blah blah genocide blah blah poor starving orphans blah blah AIDS blah blah purple monkey dishwasher.

Things that my friends do keep me informed about:

  • They found this kid in Russia who was raised by wolves. WOLVES!
  • Britney Spears’s 16-year-old sister is pregnant. And she’s kinda hot.
  • There’s this really funny lolcat picture that you just have to see.
  • The Optimus Prime non-mortgage crisis.
  • Best Buy is having an awesome sale.
  • No, seriously, dude, check out the lolcat link, because that pic is, like, totally hilarious.

On the one hand, I am tempted to make a New Year’s resolution to become well-versed in world events and keep up-to-date with the latest major happenings instead of relying on my friends’ forwarded links. On the other hand, that would take actual effort and I’m kinda lazy.

And that lolcat picture really was damn funny.

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